Encore Piece
by LuKEN
Summary: And we keep singing...Sequel to The Last Song in four parts.
1. track 7

**Part VII**

He tried to remember how many times he had watched her like that. How many times he had been lying next to her, surprised to really be with her in that way. And despite the guilt and the discomfort that had kept on coming back to him along with the thoughts of Teri and Kim, there had always been this other feeling somewhere underneath. A sort of incredulous happiness and he'd imagine his eyes glowing like those of a child taking its very first steps. Wide eyes filled with joy and disbelief, so excited about actually walking. If he' ever allowed himself to show it. And somewhere in the back of his mind he would wonder if they would have a chance, if, well, if things were different. But he'd push the thought aside.

His eyes would rest on her face just like now, fascinated to find yet another, unfamiliar part of her. Relaxed, off guard, vulnerable. Her sleep was usually the only time and space where she was defenseless. At work she always seemed so in control, he'd used to think. Emotional, sometimes, of course. But always holding her ground, keeping that fence up to protect herself in a world that would punish every weakness. Now he smiled sadly. He had thought they shared exactly that - the pressure and the emotional stress stemming from their line of work and the problem of dealing with it. After all, that had been the one connection he had missed in his marriage. Teri had never been able to understand that part of him and how could she. How could she possibly have understood what he hadn't been able to tell or explain to her. But it had worn him out and in their time of crisis and the separation he had found Nina to be the one to finally cover that field. Someone to share things with, someone to understand, without words, without lies, without explanations, without excuses.

Or at least he had thought so. Not knowing that her iron outer skin hadn't just served the purpose of protecting her emotionally but had indeed been vital as any mistake on her part would have been the end of the road for her.

But the really sick part about their twisted relation, he realized suddenly, was that despite her lies, despite her betrayal, she still had been the only one to understand. To comprehend his loneliness, his bitterness. Just in a different way than he had thought. Whatever her intentions had been and whatever she had done to him and behind his back, before, while or afterwards - in a sick way their affair, as brief as it had been, had gotten him exactly what he had been in need of. Someone to understand and comfort him, in a way Teri hadn't been able to.

_Face it, Jack, no matter how close you are with another person, you are still on your own. You should know. _Her words from just a few hours earlier echoing in his head. Yes, he should know. He had loved Teri so much and felt so close to her, but still he had been forced to keep a part of him to himself. To be careful not to reveal too much of that dark place inside of him because he had known he would never be able to explain it to her and she would never be able to cope with it. So he had decided to never let her see that part. Their separation had been the result. But she had let him come back. She too had not been willing to just give up on them. And now, he would never know. If they could have managed, make it work in the long run. If there love would have been strong enough.

Nina's face right in front of him. Her features relaxed, soft in her sleep. He examined her closely and a thought came floating in and out of his mind, like driftwood. How easy it would be to just stretch out his hands and with one quick move break her neck.

He knew she hated being that defenseless, she'd told him once. He had been asking her why it was that she always turned away from him in her sleep, avoiding his touch or his embrace and she had answered that it probably was some automatism. A reflex born out of her discomfort with being so vulnerable while not awake. His gaze traveled from her forehead over her closed eyelids and down her cheek while his mind wandered to his gun in the other room, scattered somewhere on the floor along with all his clothes and belongings. His eyes reached her throat and came to rest on the scarred skin and just like earlier, the sight of it touched him in a way he couldn't comprehend. Her wound eventually revealed to him.

_It doesn't matter how much you love someone or how much they love you back - there are certain things that can never be shared. In the end, we are all alone. _

It had a magnetizing effect on him. He couldn't take his eyes off of it, neither stop his fingers running over it. The scar tissue felt thick and rough, hardly treated, just sewed up in a rush to serve the purpose - keeping her alive. He knew the anger was coming back to him but at the same time there was something else. His fingers still resting on her skin he looked up to her face again. She was sound asleep.

Carefully he entangled himself from the bed sheets and got up. He stepped into the living room and closed the door behind him. Casting his eyes round the room he reached for his pants, lying right there on the parquet floor. Suddenly he felt hungry and thirsty and zipping his jeans up he made his way over to the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of water. Drinking the cold liquid he found himself standing in exactly the same place where he had spotted her hours before. But the beach and the ocean in front of the window had disappeared in the darkness now. He wondered what time it might be and looked around for a clock but found none. He walked back to where the rest of his clothes was to get his mobile out of his jacket but the first thing he caught sight of was his holster with the gun. Automatically his eyes wandered to the bedroom door to find it still closed. He stared at it for a moment, picturing her lying there on the other side, beyond the wall that separated them. She would never know what had happened. He could do it right now while she was still asleep. It would show more mercy than she deserved.

He shook his head, bent down and grabbed his phone. Flipping it open he checked the display. One missed call.

Reality hit him with one mighty blow and he felt his legs turning weak. He recognized the familiar number and he knew he had to return the call, but suddenly he was out of options what to say. He had been prepared to tell the truth. That he had left to take care of something, like he had said and that she had been that unfinished business. That he had found her and killed her and that it was over now, once and for all. Or, if it had turned out that way, that he hadn't found her. That it had been a false lead and that he would come back now. Either way he had been prepared to live with the consequences. But now - what could he possibly say? The truth? Still? That he had come here for her and that he had found her but that she was still alive? And what would that implicate? He knew it, of course he did. He had to call CTU. She was still a fugitive, a murderer and terrorist, high on the wanted list. And just because he suddenly couldn't kill her in cold blood anymore she wasn't to walk free. He had to bring her in or have someone bringing her in and that way they would at least get the satisfaction of seeing her being duly punished.

He felt the urgent need to move and walked over to the sink again. Staring into the darkness he lingered in the silence for a long moment before turning his attention to the phone in his hand. With a beeping sound the connection started to establish itself and he held the small device to his ear, still not sure what to do.

"Put it down, Jack," her voice came from behind him. He turned around and found himself looking into the muzzle of a gun. She was standing on the threshold to the bedroom, dressed in a quickly buttoned blouse. Targeting him, her face expression seemed businesslike and serious, hiding the sad notes of disappointment and anger. From the corner of his eye he could spot his own gun, still on the floor, halfway covered by his jacket. Of course she kept a gun of her own somewhere around. How could he be so stupid to turn his back on her for just a second. These last hours hadn't changed a thing. Whatever it was that had balanced his anger, as quickly as that it disappeared.


	2. track 8

Part VIII 

What the hell had she been thinking? That he wouldn't take the first chance he got to turn her in? Just because he wasn't after her blood anymore that didn't mean he would just let her get away. And just because they had shared bed again it didn't mean he had forgotten, not even to mention forgiven. _I will never forgive you for what you did._ And she hadn't expected him to. Neither had she expected herself to forget.

"I mean it, Jack."

She couldn't tell if it was the determination in her voice or the gun in her hand, but he did as he was told. Another beeping sound when he pressed a button to cancel the call. Letting his hand sink down, he stared back at her with gritted teeth.

"So whom were we going to call?" she asked in an almost casual, slightly mocking tone.

"None of your business," he growled.

"Really." She sneered. "And I thought it was CTU."

"I don't work for them anymore." The absurdity of his words struck him as he spoke them and he found her sneer widening as she heard them. It didn't matter that this time it was the truth.

"Right." She took another step into the room. "The phone," she said, the smile fading from her features, making way for a blank expression he knew so well. It was her back-to-business look. The mask her face became when she did what she was best at - kill or betray or possibly both. And again he wondered if all the vulnerability and tiredness she had shown earlier had just been part of her performance to lead to this point. Had she fooled him once again? He looked at the phone in his hand and tossed it over to her, cursing himself inwardly.

Not taking her eyes off of him she caught it, redialed and brought it to her ear. Taking a deep breath she cast her eyes down in anticipation of what was going to come. A part of her really hoped, nearly prayed it wouldn't be CTU to answer, but who else could he possibly have been trying to call. She couldn't help but hurt. Again he would force her to take actions, again he would force her to do something she didn't want to but had no choice. She couldn't let him take her back, neither the past two years nor the last few hours had changed a thing. The game was the same, the stakes as high as always.

A voice interrupted her line of thought and told her that there was one new message on Jack's voice box. So he hadn't been trying to call. They had tried to call him. Still the implications were the same. She sighed inwardly and wondered who it would be. Maybe someone she knew, a voice from her past? Someone she'd worked with? When the recording was finally about to be played she almost expected to hear Tony's voice. _CTU, Almeida. _But it wasn't Tony.

The shock came first and a strong note of deja-vu as Kim's voice found its way into her auditory canal. She threw a piercing glance at Jack but avoided his eyes again after just a second. Bowing her head she tried to give him less access to her face expression while she was struggling with the mix of emotions washing over her. _Focus!_ She pushed away the chain of memories and images and the feelings they dragged along. Instead she tried to hang on to her relief. She had been hoping he hadn't called CTU the minute she turned her back on him. And now she found he hadn't. Despite her expectations. That was something. They could start from there.

She put the phone down and met his penetrating gaze. _Whom are you kidding? Just because he didn't do it yet, doesn't mean he's not gonna do it later. What do you expect him to do? Just go home?_ She didn't know what to expect. She didn't know what she wanted him to do or what she wanted to do herself. For once she was completely out of options. She didn't know how to resolve this mess. _It's still the same game, the same rules. If you don't want him to screw with you, you have to kill him. _She couldn't believe they were right there again.

She threw her head back and took a deep breath, struggling not to laugh at the situation. She lowered the gun. Her arms and shoulders drooping, she slowly let her eyes wander back to meet his. "You should call your daughter," she sighed and tossed the phone back to him. Another deja-vu but she didn't waste a thought on it. Instead she cast a contemptuous look at the gun in her other hand and then, under his watchful eyes, tossed it aside as well. She saw it land on the couch and looked up to meet his gaze, rolling her shoulders back, awaiting his reaction.

He glared at her and she could tell he was pissed off. His look was intense and surely threatening, but to her relief she didn't find any signs of the old, deadly rage. He grasped her line of thought and something snapped in him. He felt the anger boiling up inside him and the urge to hit her. Slap her. Hurt her. Maybe he couldn't kill her, but he could surely hurt her.

Quickly he covered the distance between them and literally threw himself at her. She hardly had the time to react, just managing to prepare herself for the fall before he took her down and pinned her to the floor. Her left arm buried under the weight of his body and the wrist of her right arm in a tight grip, he pressed his elbow against her throat, making it hard for her to breathe. His piercing eyes staring directly into hers triggered flashbacks from Mexico. But something was different, of course. This time he just wanted to hurt her. _Hurt her really bad. _

"Alright," she tried to utter, coughing from the pressure on her trachea. "Easy." She understood he had to challenge the position of power the gun had given her. Put her back into place. It was part of their game. But she wished he would do it just a little bit less painful.

Still glaring at her piercingly, he realized the complete lack of panic or fear in her eyes. She didn't seem the least bit afraid of him and that just made him wanting to hurt her even more. He thought about bashing his fist into her face but instead he just increased the pressure on her throat and watched her struggle to keep breathing, while he recognized the first signs of insecurity in her features which were now twisted with pain.

Lying there under him it dawned on her that she had misjudged the situation. Her eyes and lungs burning, she couldn't but return his gaze and stare back into his penetrating eyes. It was by far not the first time his hands or arms were at her throat. _The garage. The interrogation room. The plane. Mexico... _She had lost count a long time ago. But this time he wasn't torn between pushing harder to finish her up or pulling back to let her live. This time he was just playing with her, his eyes wild with some kind of primitive glow. He didn't want to kill her, that much was for sure, still giving her just enough air to stay conscious.

"Jack", she tried to call out, but her voice failed her and her lips moved without making more than a scratching sound.

"What?" he hissed. "Are you trying to say something, Nina?" His eyes glowing demonically. "I can't hear you." Again he increased the pressure on her throat, but just for a second. He didn't want her to pass out. "First you pull a gun on me and then you don't wanna live with the consequences?"

She just stared at him in disbelief. He was out of his mind.

"You think you are safe now because I won't kill you? I'll show you how safe you are." Again he put a little bit more pressure on his arm. Her eyes watered and something snapped in her too. In one quick move she pulled her knee up, hitting him hard just between his legs and it was his turn to groan, his face contorted in surprise and pain. He loosened his grip around her wrist and she managed to jerk her arm free. Pushing him away he rolled off of her and landed next to her. With the pressure of his elbow removed from her throat she got her breath back and sucked the air in hungrily, coughing while she once again pushed herself further away from him. But he didn't seem much of a threat anymore, lying there with his hands covering his crotch area, breathing heavily.

"I'm sick of being your punching bag, Jack," she yelled, her voice trying to find a balance between mockery and anger. "How much fun do you think it's been to be threatened and bullied around by you all the time? How safe do you think I felt with your gun against my head or your hands around my throat? How many times you think I was convinced I'd drawn my last breath? So, sorry if you're pissed off just because I dared to turn the tables on you."

He didn't answer, just rolled over on his side, turning his back to her. Sitting up she rubbed her throat, coughing again. She realized she was working herself up but for once she didn't care about letting her emotions steer. "You think I just showed up again every now and then to make your life hell and have some fun before returning to my cozy fugitive existence?" She laughed with derision and pain. "Well, sorry to disillusion you, Jack, but that's not really how it was."

She tried to meet his gaze but he didn't make a move to look at her. His breath was steady again and at least he seemed to have calmed down.

"Sorry for having to break the news to you, but safe is the last thing I've ever felt around you."


	3. track 9

Part IX

Her words dripping into his mind he couldn't bear to turn his head and look at her. She was right, they could never be safe around each other. It was always about power, about control. Had always been. And he had never been able to deal with her being in control of him.

_You just gonna have to follow my lead. _ Her words had made him lose it, no matter what he had told Mason later on. Paired with that superior smile it had been too much for him to handle. Just like a few seconds ago when she had not only pointed the gun at him and ordered him around but even had the nerve to give up her position of power. And instead of wondering why or just be surprised, he had let his anger taking over, following an animalistic instinct to mark his territory.

"So what now?"

"I don't know, Jack," she replied, her voice still bearing anger. "I guess we are in for another round. Isn't that what we always do? You threaten me, I try to answer. Adding a few more lies and lives to the cost. In the end it all comes down to the same: We have to kill each other to move on."

"I thought we were clear about me not wanting to kill you anymore," he commented mockingly. "Not unless you give me a reason."

She snorted with contempt. "Another one?" She took her hand off her throat and stared at him intensely, irritated just to see the back of his head. "Doesn't matter. You still wanna bring me back to CTU, don't you?"

"Would that really be so bad?" he asked, his voice not giving away if he was serious or not.

She couldn't but smile at his words. "Are you seriously negotiating with me here? Are you asking me to let you turn me in?" She shook her head in disbelief. "Next thing you gonna tell me it doesn't matter if I sit around here or somewhere in a prison cell."

"Well, now you mentioned it - does it?" he asked, his tone almost casual. He didn't ask her for anything and wondered himself where this strange conversation was going or coming from, but talking was still to be preferred to another physical confrontation. At least for the moment. He moved his hand about a centimeter and the tips of his fingers touched the metal of the gun. His gun. In the middle of all the action he had landed right on his jacket and now his hand was just next to the gun, covered by his body, out of sight for her.

"I don't believe this. You are really offering me a deal? I stay alive and go to prison and you go home and justice prevails. Now that would just be perfect, wouldn't it?" Derision and contempt were glowing in her eyes. He would never change. Always putting up the moral standards everybody else had to live up to.

_No, perfect would be something else_, he thought regretful.

"Or why don't we wait until I get a chance to give my life to safe yours. Would that be my one shot to make things right? A little bit? If my last word would be sorry?" She shook her head. "We both know there is no way for me to redeem myself, so let's not get delusional here."

The words had just come out that way and when their impact hit her, it left her equally surprised and confused.

"Even if I could avoid death penalty - I will never go back to prison again," she added, hoping to take some of the emphasis off her last statement, ignoring the memories of her unpleasant time in jail.

His mind traveled back in time, back to when they had brought her out of prison. What a mistake. But a part of him had actually welcomed it and the opportunity it had offered. Prison had just seemed too good for her.

"So what's your suggestion? I let you walk and hope you behave? That didn't really work last time, did it?" He could feel her glare but still he didn't look in her direction, his voice still relatively calm but the words coming faster throughout the sentences. "You had all the chances to make a fresh start, Nina. You had your pardon, you had your exile and I'm sure you still had enough money somewhere on the side. You got a chance you never deserved in the first place, but you threw that one away as well, so don't even start!"

She stared at him angrily. "Bullshit, Jack. There was never a chance for me and you know it. You promised me to hunt me down. My life wasn't worth a dime down there and what do you know about limited exile anyway."

"I'm sure it was better than you deserved," he replied coolly.

She shot another killing glance at him before turning her head away. She was sick of it. She knew there were no justifications for her and she wished she could go back to the times when she hadn't bothered to make up any. What had happened to her? When had she started to care? When had she developed a _conscience_? She had lost her touch. Not too long ago she would not have had any second thoughts and Jack would be dead by now and she herself off to new grounds. She wouldn't even be here in the first place. She would never have stopped working. She would have killed him when she had the chance. _Is that right? Then why didn't you? Why is he still alive? _Her gaze wandered to the couch and her gun.

"You made your choices, Nina. No one forced you to turn against your country and the people who trusted you. And even if there was no going back for you later and you were ...", he struggled with the word, "_forced_ to take certain actions - that still doesn't change a damn thing."

"If?" she asked mockingly, her eyes suddenly displaying a deep pain. It only lasted a second but long enough for Jack to notice. He straightened up and moved into a sitting position as well, facing her again, his eyes penetrating, his voice cold and clear. "You killed my wife! Nothing I could ever do or have done to you could possibly make up for that."

Her eyes fell on the gun in his hand, not pointing at her but steady in his hand which rested on his thigh. She returned to meet his gaze, her face expression blank again.

"I know."

He didn't show any reaction and for a long time they were just staring at each other, studying each other's features like a mirror image.

_I know. _The way she said it, something in her voice - the closest she had ever come to admitting. T_here is no way for me to redeem myself._ To an apology. He couldn't help but being taken aback. From that day on, when she had torn his world apart, he had never expected her to apologize. Sitting at home or driving around, drowning in memories, drowning in guilt, anger and grief, a part of him had traveled back to that moment when he had looked into her eyes, trying to fathom if there had been any indication of regret or remorse. Anything he hadn't been able to see that moment, blind with hate and fury. Automatically, as he had been trained to, he had postponed any thoughts or feelings of disbelief and shock, leaving them to deal with later, when the job was done, when he would have brought her down. And they had come to him, later. The doubts and the questions. Had she been playing him all along? Had everything he had thought they had just been a lie? Did she feel nothing while betraying him, nothing while she had killed his wife? He had wondered. Somewhere, deep inside. But he hadn't allowed these questions to surface. He had never tried to find the answers and he had never attempted to confront her cause he had known the sheer sight of her would bring out the worst in him. _How many people died because of you, Jack? _

And he had been right. Seeing her again had just been enough, and if he had really still been wondering, all of that had been wiped away the moment she had walked down that aisle. Her face completely emotionless, cold as the steel of her cuffs, revealing no sign of humanity. More space for his hatred, more room for his longing for revenge. And he knew he had made things more complicated than necessary, but he had never wondered again, never doubted again. To this day, until now, he wouldn't even have considered the possibility but now he might be facing the worst possible case: if he actually believed her. If there actually was some part left in her that was still human. If there was anything left of the person he had once trusted with his life. The woman he once... . For so long he had been sure there wasn't, that she had never existed at all.

_Where did things start to go wrong_, she wondered and couldn't even make up her mind which wrong she meant. That she had decided to change sides or that she hadn't been able to get rid off Jack. The latter one she had regretted a dozen times. She had made way too many mistakes. The first one to tell him Kim was dead. He would have gone after the Drazens anyway, without her exposing herself. The next one not to insist on someone else handling her. And asking Palmer to pardon her in advance with Jack listening, putting him into a position where he had nothing to lose - now that hadn't been her smartest move. But she had been so angry at him for everything he had put her through that day.

All the threats, the humiliations. She had given them Faheen, unconscious but alright and her attempt to run, even though that would have ruined her deal, had simply been an attempt to save her life. She had been surprised he hadn't shot her in that staircase, for a moment believing her gesture, the appeal to his morals or his heart had been the reason. But he had just been aware without her, there was no way to break Faheen. And then she had not had a choice but killing him. _What are we gonna do, Jack?_ Testing his reaction. And he had ordered to put her back, together with the terrorist, the outlaw, making it perfectly clear where her place was. And when the plane had been about to crash, she had been hesitating. But Jack had spent all day to make sure she believed she was dead as soon as he wouldn't need her anymore and the crash would have been the chance he'd been waiting for all day. No, telling them would have been signing her death sentence and she wasn't stupid enough to sacrifice herself to a world that had never done anything for her. She hadn't wanted all those people to die but she wouldn't have given her life for them. Neither for Faheen, neither for Teri.

And Mexico had just been one big mistake. A disaster all the way and she knew she couldn't be grateful enough for having made it through that day alive. And that hadn't been due to but in spite of Jack.

A long list of mistakes and regrets but she knew it was fruitless to ponder over that and she had done her best not to. Which brought her back to the first possible wrong, but she had never seriously considered it as that. She was good enough in psychology to know that even if she had any such regrets, concerning her decision to screw everyone over, she would simply never have allowed herself to explore them. There were limits to how far the human mind was capable of questioning itself. Facing that everything one's existence was based on was wrong was just too much to take in without breaking. And she didn't want to break. Maybe she had not only turned his life into hell, maybe he was right and she had rushed headlong into disaster, making even her own existence miserable. But how disenchanted with her choice she could possibly get - there was still nothing about her old life that had been worth keeping.

_There is no way I could ever redeem myself. _After all these years she had said it out loud. But did that mean she wanted to? She shook her head to snap out of these thoughts. Even if a part of her was truly sorry for what she'd done, there was no way she could ever tell him, never had been. It didn't matter.

"I can't let you take me back," she whispered, trying to read in his eyes. "Not this time. If I go with you I'm as good as dead. And if you try to take me, I will resist."

Her frankness took him a bit by surprise. After all he was the one with the gun and she was in no position to declare her intentions so openly. But he knew she was right. Charged with murder and treason again and after everything that happened last time they had held her in custody, the death sentence was as good as granted. And even if not, she was obviously fearing the same outcome in case of a new imprisonment. _What happened in those 18 months? What did they do to you? _

He reconsidered, knowing this could well be the end of the way. How badly did he want her to pay. If he tried to arrest her and she would resist she would give him the reason he needed to kill her after all. Silent now, she was returning his gaze, her face displaying a kind of sad determination. If he could only figure her out. If he could only be sure this wasn't just another act. If he could only be sure she was lying again.

A few hours ago he had actually felt she was telling the truth. Offering nothing but stripped-down honesty, revealing all her weaknesses without holding back any more. But the moment was gone and now he was left with nothing but doubt again.

"I can't let you walk," he said, not showing his insecurity. _As sick as it is a part of me is actually considering it...but no_. "I can't let you walk."

She sighed soundlessly, the faintest trace of a sad smile on her face. She picked herself up the floor, wiping her hands over her thighs and he got up as well, the gun still not pointing at her. Still maintaining her dignity she took a slow step towards him. His gaze captured in her eyes he watched her approaching him. And suddenly he understood what had irritated him so much earlier, lying next to her.

She had always understood, reaching parts of him no one else, not even Teri, had had access to. That's why her betrayal had hurt so much and still did. Not only had the worst possible thing been done to him, it had been done by her of all people. She had known exactly what she had done to him. And to this day she was still the one closest to understand, to read his mind, to figure him out. But he could only glimpse into her mind, most of the time just taking guesses.

But earlier, watching her sleep, exploring her scarred skin, her words echoing in his mind, he had understood too. Her loneliness, her bitterness. Her disenchantment with the world, with her life. And a part of him had become aware that that was what they still shared or yet again. She had turned his life into hell, but she wasn't in a place any better.

Their isolation and their secrets had brought them together once and now, whether he liked it or not, they were reunited in the ruins and remains of their shattered existence. And all of her words coming back to him, he found himself in most of them. Whether he was a product of her work or not, whether she had turned him into the person he was now or he had always been it deep inside, they really weren't that different. Maybe they were as alike as they could ever be, as anyone could ever be. _How many people died because of you, Jack?...isn't that what we always do?...I won't be sorry for wanting to live. Not for that...we will do whatever we have to and justify it in whatever way we can...there is no way for me to redeem myself...we are running out of time, Jack!...I know you still believe in all that crap, well, I don't. I stopped somewhere along the way...no matter how close you are with another person...are you gonna do it, Jack?...look where it got me. I don't even know what I'm doing here...we've been waiting for you to pull that trigger for the last seven years...I'm not justifying. I couldn't...what are we gonna do?...in the end, we are all alone, isolated in ourselves...would that be my one shot to make things right?_

Looking into her eyes he wanted to say something, to tell her, even if just to let her know her weaknesses and her secrets were revealed to him, but she was right and he knew it. They were done talking. Some things could never be shared. There was just no way left for them to communicate. This night, the two of them being together again, had been a last desperate attempt, but it couldn't overcome the burnt grounds between them.

"Could you promise me to disappear for good?" he asked, knowing he was just out after a last justification.

She bent her head an idea to one side, taking another careful step. "No."

He knew she wouldn't, couldn't just sit around for the next fifty sixty years of her life, but a part of him wished she had even bothered to lie. Lifting his arm, he slowly pointed the gun at her, aiming at her chest, and she did a last step and stopped right in front of him, the barrel touching the skin right above her lungs. She took a deep breath. _Let's get this over with. _

"You gonna have to do it to my face."

She had picked the words for a reason and the flickering in his eyes told her he remembered exactly. And how could he not. He must have cursed himself a zillion times for not killing her for real on that hill. She saw it in his eyes, the way they gleamed with a million emotions, washing over him all at once. And for a second he was there again and it was all she needed.

She closed her eyes not to give herself away and hoping he might even close his too, gathering strength to pull the trigger and do it right this time.

She swung around, throwing her shoulder with all her weight against his arm, trying to control the gun and keeping its barrel pointed away from her while at the same time aiming for his head with her other arm. She took him by surprise and when her elbow landed at his temple she knew this would do it.


	4. track 10

Part X 

Jack's world exploded behind his forehead. A part of him noted how his head flew back and when he suddenly found himself on the ground he could only guess that his hand had let go of the gun. Dazed by the pain he couldn't believe she had knocked him out again. That he had underestimated her again. He had believed she was just trying to manipulate him a last time. Positioning herself in front of him, unarmed, not resisting, giving his conscience enough time to struggle with him.

Putting a hand to his temple he tried to shut out the pain and the dizziness. _Stay awake. Don't make it that easy for her. _

He opened his eyes, blinking a few times and shook his head to clear his thoughts, taking in that she was holding the gun now, standing a few steps away, too far for him to try anything.

"I'm sorry, Jack." The same tone exactly. He looked up and found even her eyes watching him the same way. But what he had perceived as scornful pity back then seemed more like sorrow and regret to him now. And even more he detected a note of insecurity. The shadow of a doubt.

"I told you I would resist."

She was struggling with herself, trying to shut out any doubt she might have, ignore a part of her that hadn't called for her attention for so long.

It was over within an eye blink when her features hardened. She had made her decision and she wasn't gonna falter. But that moment had been enough for him to answer his question. She was never gonna change and there was no way to forgive her or trust her again, but he was sure now. Some of the things he had once seen in her had really been there and maybe some remains still were. Buried under all her roughness and her pain. A pain whose origins he would never be able to grasp and that could never justify any of the things she did or had done, but that had always been there. Now, in his last moment, he could finally see it, clearly revealed. And a part of him was actually relieved. Not everything had been a lie.

But it was just a small part of him. The rest was still or yet again filled with anger and hatred. She had played him and manipulated him and now she would do the last thing she hadn't done to him yet. She would kill him. He wasn't that attached to his life. Suicidal tendencies had been accompanying him ever since that day seven years ago. But that it would end like this, that she'd take his life after he had spared hers, that he'd be the one to go when he had been coming to put her to death, that was just not how it should end. He would die with the same anger he had lived with for what seemed like all of his life.

"Could you promise me to let me go?" she asked, her voice free of triumph or mockery. "Never to come after me again?"

_No, but I promise you someone will bring you down_, he thought and she could see it in his eyes, read his answer as if it was written there. _You will make more mistakes and sooner or later you will get what you deserve and that's comforting me. _

She struggled not to let her features betray her and her emotions break to the surface. She didn't want to do this but she couldn't afford to let him see her hesitation or her doubts, as little and as irrelevant as they were. She wanted to say something, tell him anything, everything. But there were no more words left between them.

She lifted the gun, aiming at his heart. _It was never supposed to end like this, _she thought, when a sound suddenly made them both flinch and their heads jerked around to Jack's cell phone, lying on the ground where he had lost it during his earlier attack on her.

Instinctively she took a step back and put her second hand around the gun as well, hurrying to focus on Jack again. But for once his reaction was too slow and when their eyes locked again only a second later she saw the same realization on his face. He knew he had missed the small window where he could have caught her off guard and now it was too late. With gritted teeth his gaze wondered back to the phone and again to her as the ring tone continued to cut the silence that had fallen between them.

"Let me answer," he demanded, getting up on his knees, his voice harsh.

"No way," she replied, her face expression hard as well, trying to hide another emotion. Worry.

"Let me answer, Nina. She has a right to know what's going on." His voice less sharp he sounded almost pleading now. "I just wanna say goodbye. Please?"

She shook her head, pressing her lips together. She couldn't take the risk of letting him speak to her. Firstly she didn't know if anyone knew he was here and after her and if not she had to keep it that way. Covering her traces would be much easier without anyone after her. Escaping, surviving would be much easier if no one knew it was her who had killed Jack Bauer. And that was still the whole point about this: staying alive and getting away. And secondly she couldn't take the risk of turning soft on him. P_lease take care of my daughter, Sir? Make sure that she is safe. Tell her that I love her. _She would be lying to say those words hadn't effected her. She had tried to ignore it, she had tried not to show it and she wouldn't have let it stop her, but in her current state of mind she wasn't so self-assured.

The look in Jack's eyes when she had had Kim at gunpoint. Rage, anger, hatred, of course. But also, underneath, the horrifying thought and the fear of losing the only thing left to him - his daughter. Panic. Well-hidden, she had to give him that, but she had recognized it nevertheless, the faint trace of panic in his eyes. Something she had never seen there before and never again afterwards. The same panic in Kim's eyes, more openly, more intensely. And maybe that was why they were both still alive. Another point on her list of mistakes?

She wasn't sure and that only confirmed her assessment: she couldn't allow him to bring Kim into the picture. _You don't wanna be any part of this. _She never should have been.

"Fine," he said. "Then you answer the damn phone." And to the spark of surprise in her eyes he added: "Someone has to tell her that her father is dead."

She stared at him angrily, realizing how he was trying to set her up.

"What are you afraid of, Nina? No one knows I'm here and until they find me and CTU or anyone else gets involved, you'll be long gone."

She knew he was right. She would have enough time to disappear. And apart from that her involvement into his death wouldn't be hard to figure out anyway, whether he was still working for CTU or not. But that wasn't what she was worried about. And he knew it. He was probably just acting on an instinct, a vague idea, too vague to even put in words, but he had always followed his instincts and mostly the outcome had proved him right in doing so. If there was one thing she had feared more than his rage and longing for revenge it was his instincts.

"Too afraid to pick up a phone?" He smirked. "Afraid you are not as tough as you thought?"

She tensed. He knew she had realized what he was up to so he put his cards on the table, playing his last trump, having nothing to lose. He had figured out her weakness and maybe it was the last thing he'd expected, but that didn't stop him from taking his chances.

"Come on, Nina, you can kill me now. Do it right away," he urged her. "Just promise me to tell her I won't be coming home."

_Tell her that I love her. _She couldn't shut the words out. It was too late. Kim was already in the picture. _I don't wanna hurt you. Just walk away. _And the realization struck her that she wouldn't have killed Kim two years ago. The burden of her mother's death had already begun to get too heavy on her.

She glared at him and rolled her eyes. He won. Angrily she moved over and picked up the phone. Flipping it open she checked the display to buy some more time, hesitating another second, letting the consequences sink in. The phone still ringing she turned her eyes back at him, her own words echoing in her mind. _She's already lost one parent. _ _She needs you, Jack. _

She surrendered. "Tell her yourself," she snapped, tossing the phone over to him.

Not hiding his relief too well he caught it and hit the green button. "Sweetheart? Yes, I'm here."

Taking another step back and taking her left hand off the gun, she watched him with a strange curiosity. It was the second time she gave up control or at least a part of it. Voluntarily. Last time he had almost strangled her in return. She wondered how he was gonna play it this time. At least she still had the gun. And Kim or not, she would shoot him if she had to.

"No, sweetheart. I'm fine. I just needed to get away for a while." His voice was all soft now and he bowed his head to hide his face from her but she could imagine what it looked like. This was what she had been afraid of. "No, honey. I'm not."

A longer break when Jack just listened and Nina could hear Kim's angry voice but not pick up any words. She wondered what it was that was upsetting her so much and got her answer only a second later. "Yes, I was but..." Hesitation and he raised his gaze to face her. "No, she's not. I didn't find her." He turned his head away for a moment, showing a somewhat neutral expression when he met her eyes again only seconds later. "It doesn't matter, sweetheart. It's over. I'm coming home."

She stared at him critically, not sure how to assess the implications of his latest statement.

"I'll call you from the airport. I love you."

He ended the call and examined the display for a moment, buying time as well now.

"Jack? I'm not coming with you," she clarified after a moment of silence, trying to figure out what he was up to. And he sighed, putting the phone away and meeting her eyes again. "I know." It had struck him the moment he had won this last round. He couldn't kill her. And he couldn't take her back. After everything that had been revealed to him within the last few hours, he simply couldn't be a part of all this any longer. Nothing would ever get him a peace of mind. Maybe her death would have, some years ago. But now it couldn't and even if he couldn't put this explanation in any words that would make sense, he knew there was only one thing to do. Go home.

He seemed tired, his look displaying the same exhaustion she knew so well. She lifted her head a little bit and examined him closely. He seemed serious.

"So...you gonna let me walk?"

"I wouldn't even know how to explain all of what happened today. Besides bringing you in would be an illegal detention. I'm not with CTU anymore."

She sneered. "As if anyone cared." His words didn't convince her at all, they didn't even convince himself, but what she read in his eyes was enough for her to relax.

"So besides Kim really no one knows you are here?"

"No," he answered after a short moment of hesitation. It didn't matter anymore. He had played all his cards and now it was her turn. She could kill him or not, but he had a good feeling she wouldn't. His last trump had took the trick.

"And what are you going to tell her? She didn't believe you, did she?"

"No," he sighed. "She knows I've been looking for you so...I don't know what to tell her." He shrugged his shoulders. "Anything but the truth."

He got up from the floor and looked at her with a mixture of detestation, regret and longing. _That I didn't find you. That you are dead. That we'll never hear from you again. _"Just don't make me a liar."

She cast her eyes down for a second and when she met his again it was with the same solid look she had given him so often. "I can't promise you anything," she said, her voice as businesslike as her expression, hiding the pain, relief and sadness she felt. "I won't stay around here forever. I can't."

He just returned her gaze, expecting nothing better than that.

She let her arm sink and the gun dangling in her hand she stood still for a while. When she started to move towards him then, felt his body tense in alert. Some instincts would always kick in.

She stopped right in front of him and her gaze flickering between his eyes seemed to request some kind of permission. She took his silence as such and leaned in, kissing him softly on his lips. He wasn't sure if he kissed her back, but it only lasted a second or two.

She pulled her head back and looked into his eyes again and when she spoke her voice was merely a smoky whisper.

"I'll try."

He didn't understand and gave her a quizzical look.

"Not to make you a liar."

His face again wearing detestation, regret and longing at once, he lifted his hand to touch her a last time, as if to make sure she was really there. She closed her eyes when his fingertips ran over her cheek, lingering in the consolation for a moment, before she withdrew herself from him. Taking three steps backwards she brought some space between them again.

Grasping the consequences of this night, their last night probably, they just stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at each other, a million words and thoughts dancing in the air between them, to remain unspoken for all time.


End file.
